Musings From the Realm - Act of Contrition

41:1:12
Sobrik, Balmorra

Yesterday, after spending all day meeting with several holobook makers, Mr. Sagara and I went to the Musician's Quarter.
I bought some recordings I found from a couple of new groups and several older recordings too.
When I finished looking through the recordings, Mr. Sagara said he knew of a place nearby where we could have a drink or two and hear some local talent.

Though it did not glitter as brightly as the other clubs around it, the Golden Star seemed to be quite popular.
The inside looked far better and seemed to blend old and new trends together.

"I have not been here in a long time," Mr. Sagara commented as we went in. "Your father and I used to come here.
He insisted we visit every time we were in Sobrik."

We found a table where we could see the musicians but not be too close to the dancing area, and Mr. Sagara ordered us Corellian ale.
It was much better tasting than Balmorra's local variety.

We didn't talk much because Mr. Sagara insisted that we leave all business discussion for the next day.
"You have to remember to take the time to relax on occasion Xanin. A person who doesn't ever relax will drive himself mad."
I have to admit the evening was quite relaxing. I managed to just sit and enjoy the music without worrying about anything else for a while.
Of course, I think the ale may have helped somewhat.

Mr. Sagara had a chuckle at my expense when a tipsy woman tried to convince me to buy her another drink.
I could swear I heard him say something about me being just like my father when I managed to ward her off.

We'll be making the trip back to Lynsor in half an hour, so I should go check that I got everything in my bag.

41:1:13
Sagara Residence
Lynsor, Balmorra

The results for my history paper arrived this morning. I surprisingly received top marks.
The professor commented that he found it refreshing to read about something other than more recent time periods.

41:1:17
Sagara Residence
Lynsor, Balmorra

We had a warmer and drier weekend so Mr. Sagara and I got out in the gardens and assessed what needed replacing.
There were not as many of the flowers damaged as Mr. Sagara originally thought, but an additional tree fell to the stress the strong winds caused.
It will take a week or two for the order to make its way from Epona, with all the approvals required to import live plants.

41:1:18
Sagara Residence
Lynsor, Balmorra

I only have a moment to write before I will have to go.

Katha is here.

She has actually come back.
Colin called saying that she was at the gate about 5 minutes ago.
I did not believe that she could really be back and went down to the security room to see for myself. She was really there.
I could not be the first person she saw, so I told Colin to make sure she stayed in the front parlor and had him send someone to tell Katha's parents.
I came back here to my room to wait for Colin to send someone to tell me that Katha was back.

There is someone at the door now.
Here's hoping --

Later - Early Afternoon

I could tell she was not expecting to see me from the look in her eyes when I walked into the room.

For the past year I have tried to imagine what she might say if we ever saw each other again.
I half expected her to attack me or warn her parents against me, but she stayed silent.
She endured her mother's inspection serenely, but seemed to be grateful when I suggested that she might want to be able to rest from her journey.
I was surprised when Mr. Sagara agreed and suggested I help Katha take her belongings to her room.
I expected Katha to protest, after all she had carried her own bags into the house and the last person she probably wanted to be alone with was me.
Yet, she did not protest.

Katha's room was in the wing on the opposite end of the house from my own, but I knew pretty well how to get there.
After opening the door I hesitated, not sure if I should go in without permission.
I decided there was no polite way to put Katha's bag down without going inside, so I stepped into the room and Katha followed.
I couldn't tell if she noticed my hesitation or not.

I set her bag down in one of the chairs, and stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to say or do.
"The bedroom is through there," I said dumbly, aware that she should know her way around her own room, even if it had been some time since she had lived here.
She nodded without comment and we stood there in silence.
I thought I might as well beat her to the punch.

"Katha, I --" I started, but the words just were not there. "Listen, you and your family are in danger," I blurted out.
I knew instantly it was not what I should have said.

She had heard this all before when Tyker was setting me up. "From who Xanin? Some rival of my father's, a distant cousin? You?" she asked angrily.

"No never me, Katha," I replied, my voice threatening to fail me. Though I was not surprised that she had said it, the words still cut deep.

Something about my reply seemed to make her regret her anger.

"Xanin . . .," she started, but did not say anything else.
I decided it was best for me to wait and try to talk to her again once she was better settled.

"I'll let you get some rest. We can talk later," I said, leaving the room rather quickly.

Needless to say things did not go as I would have liked, and yet a little better than I originally imagined.
Adele will be sure to scold me when I tell her what happened.

There is no going back to fix things though, so I will just have to pray that Katha will give me a chance to regain her trust.

Later - After Dinner

When she came down for dinner, Katha appeared refreshed. She had changed into a silky green dress which complimented her eyes.
She politely let me seat her next to me, but was discreetly attempting to pretend I was not there afterwards.
I tried to act normal but could not help looking over at Katha.

Lady Sagara had personally prepared a special meal to celebrate Katha's return home, and happily watched Katha enjoy the meal.
She was very happy to have Katha back and this helped cut through the tension somewhat.

The conversation attempted to stay light, with Katha's long absence avoided entirely.
Lady Sagara explained to Katha briefly that her sister Corinna, who had married after Katha left, was tied up at her own home entertaining guests of her husband.
Mr. Sagara was quick to move the topic on to something else, and we soon focused on broader topics, such as what Sagara Industries was up to.

I must admit I was flattered more than once by Mr. Sagara's kind words regarding my assistance in remodeling the estate and running Sagara Industries.
Katha seemed to take everything in stride, though I noticed a hint of surprise when she found out how involved I was in her father's company.
After we finished dinner, Lady Sagara noted how nice it was outside and suggested that Katha and I take a stroll.
When Katha attempted to decline, saying she didn't want to impose on my time, I found myself insisting that it was no problem.
She finally accepted though reluctantly.

It was quickly growing dark outside, but lanterns kept the garden path bright enough to walk.
Katha walked next to me, making no attempt to start a conversation. I was hesitant to start one myself.

We stopped at the end of one of the paths that looked out on the water.
I was deep in thought watching Katha as she gazed out at the sea, when she suddenly turned and looked at me.
It took me a few moments to realize she was looking at me because I had spoken.
In my thoughts I had been apologizing to her and inadvertently said "I'm sorry" out loud.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I know you did not want to come out here with me, but I was hoping we could talk." It was the truth at least, even if it wasn't what I had meant by saying sorry.

She leaned against the partition wall waiting for me to continue.

"I know you are angry with me and that you have been told that I was planning to use you to get the land you would inherit from your father," I said.
"I swear that was never true. I only wanted to find you and see for myself that you were alive and well."

"Then why did you kidnap me?" Katha asked. Her voice was quite even with no indication of what she thought.

"I thought you were being forced to work for the Empire. I did not realize you were working undercover," I replied.

I knew what she would ask next so I continued. "Once we reached Balmorra, the man I had hired to help find you demanded a higher price.
He had discovered somehow that you would inherit even more valuable land than what I had offered him and would not let you go until he had it.
He threatened to kill you if I did not cooperate."

She stayed silent.
Unable to tell whether she believed me or not I went on, "I could not let him hurt you, but I knew giving in to his demands would not help either of us.
While I pretended to go along with his plot, I planned your escape.
The men who helped you were supposed to keep track of you so that I could find you and explain everything."

She looked at me. "I should have known it was you who helped me escape. I convinced Oridin and Perin to take me to Etna and lost them from there," she explained.
After a moment she added, "Oridin did not tell me you helped."

"I should have come to rescue you myself. I was a coward," I said. "I hope you will forgive me."

"Xanin, I already have, but you must understand I cannot just forget. I need to know that I can trust you," she replied.

With those words she gave me the chance I had been hoping for.

~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~

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