Musings From the Realm - Act of Contrition

40:12:30
Lynsor, Balmorra

I don’t see the point of doing this, but I promised Adele I would give it a try.

I have no idea how to go about this – I guess an introduction would be a good start.

My name is Xanin – well my full name is Xanin Tiras Namara Kintara. Currently, I am on Winter Fete holiday at my family’s home.
Technically, I guess it would be my home now since my father died last year and left it to me, but I don’t really live here.
Before you ask, no my mother does not live here either. She died when I was seven.

I guess I should introduce Adele too. She is my – well some people would call her my nanny I suppose, but she has been more like a surrogate mother.
She has been a good friend and confidant as well. Sometimes she seems to know what I am thinking and feeling better than I do myself.

And that is why she wants me to keep this journal, so that I can get my thoughts down and express what I am feeling.
I feel as if I could write pages and pages about Adele or my parents or just about anything else, but I cannot put my own thoughts in words.
Well I suppose I am doing that now, but not really. I am certainly not expressing my deepest thoughts.

I am not sure if I should.

Later

After some thought, I have decided to really give this a try.
After all, if something were to happen to me, there are certain people I would like to see my view on everything.

I may have lost any chance with the only girl I have ever cared for.
Even worse, I have put the only people I can really consider family in great danger.

How, you might ask? I trusted a stranger far too much.

But I guess it would be best to explain why I came to met the stranger in the first place.

Nearly four years ago, my childhood friend and betrothed – Katha Sagara – ran away from her family here on Balmorra.
She did not intend to leave for so long, but she was caught up with the wrong people and ended up being a prisoner of sorts.
I am digressing though.

Meanwhile back here on Balmorra I never could accept that Katha left of her own accord, and tried to follow every lead I could find.
This led me to accept the help of Tyker, who agreed to locate Katha and bring her home for a small payment.

He located Katha rather quickly, and before I knew it she was back here on Balmorra.
Sounds like a good thing, right?
Wrong.

Tyker had taken Katha forcefully from Coruscant and I soon found out that he had no intention of letting Katha go without compensation.
Tyker found out Katha’s father was a rather wealthy factory owner and wanted some of the land on in exchange for Katha’s safe return.

Luckily, I had friends among the staff Tyker had hired and my friend Zevon and I were able to secretly allow Katha to escape.
Unfortunately for me, Tyker had made sure Katha thought I was the one trying to make money by using her.

I am thankful of course that Katha was able to escape safely, but Oridin (one of the friends we had on Tyker’s staff) lost Katha when
she suggested they met up with some smuggler friends she knew of in Etna.
That was nearly a year ago, and Zevon has not been able to pick up any more information other than she is alive and not on Balmorra.

I wish that I could just speak to her and tell her what happened, and that I’m sorry.
At the same time though, perhaps it would be best if she stays hidden.

As for the family I put in danger:

After my father died, Katha’s parents seemed determined to make sure I finished my studies and Mr. Sagara took me on as a business apprentice.
I think they were worried I might leave Balmorra like Katha.
There was a point after Katha disappeared that they thought she had snuck on a transport to Epona to visit me.
I think part of them wanted to believe that keeping me around would be like some sort of beacon to guide Katha home.

Sometime after I met Tyker they began insisting that I come live with them and not be cooped up in my father’s house alone.
At first, I argued that Adele was good company and I did not want to intrude.
But after finding Katha and her escape from Tyker, part of me wanted to be close to anything that reminded me of her, so I agreed to go live with the Sagaras.

That has been my year in summary: One dead father, one lost love, and one dangerous enemy.

I am returning to the Sagaras' home when Winter Fete is over in a couple of days.
Sometime before then Zevon is supposed to contact me with any new information about Katha or Tyker.
I cannot stand to write anymore right now, so I am going to bed.

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